I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Less talking, more tequila
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
