maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
