Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Operation Purity has been aborted
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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