Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
