she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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