Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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