I'm so fucking centered right now
Michael Bay diarrhea
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
