I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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