Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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