Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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