I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
is wine microwaveable?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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