Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize