better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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