So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize