If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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