dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
