Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
