Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I faked an abortion last night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize