he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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