great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
