I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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