We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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