So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
