Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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