Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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