there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
