Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
