gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
