And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
