Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
