chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
