Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
