It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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