Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
