that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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