tell your sister to shave her snatch
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
