Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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