so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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