I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
