Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
