my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
