You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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