I hate all girls vehemently.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
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