Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
