I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
