I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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