Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
