If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
