my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
