I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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