What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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