it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
