saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
