so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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