I feel like abortions should bother me more
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize