i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
