the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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