I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
