No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
