And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
