ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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