I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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