i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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