maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
sex in a hospital.. check
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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