Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize