Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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