I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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