today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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