Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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