Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
