Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
