wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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