You really coming over, don't trick.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
