I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
