fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
