Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
