we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
