and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
