paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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