i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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