Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
