I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
