I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
