i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't deserve a penis
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why can't burritos get me drunk
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
