I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
