you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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