so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
