The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am mentally ready for anal.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
