The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
