Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize