At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
