Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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