My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
